There is a love song...umm, this is a difficult thing for me to type. There is a love song that I thought summed up the way that one should feel. In my view it was so beautiful,honest, and true... what woman could not resist it. This song is nearly impossible to find. SO I would sing it to the loved ones in my life. A romantic gesture if you will. Well, I will never sing this song again. I can only hope that after I type and send this... that God will seek mercy upon me,and help me to forget the song altogether.

Two people have heard me sing this song. My ex wife heard me sing it on our honeymoon. When I was done she politely smiled and told me that if I loved her that I would never sing anything to her again...that broke my heart. We divorced 9 years later.
Because of her I felt jaded and broken towards women. Therefore not allowing myself the chance to love again. Then in December...just 3 days before Christmas I met her... I remember not even being able to look at her due to the rush I would feel in my heart. So from December to May we have had this romance...she would love it when I sang 'The Song'. She did not even know the name... just would melt in my arms and I could feel her heart beat... And I then knew love.
So, in May I remember the details (which are too hard for me to share here) I found out that the love of my life, the one that my heart would skip a beat for... well, she was living a double life. Me on one side of town with a husband of 10 years and kids on the other.

In a second I will write the song out for you to read... I hope that it is a kind of therapy for me to do... but right here I am reminded of a song by Miranda Lambert (KEROSENE)...there is a line in the song 'I've given up on Love, Cause Love has given up on me'

The Song....
'Just Like Me' by Sweet Comfort Band

If you give me an inch for every mile, I've had you on my mind
They would stretch on down the highway, in an endless line
And IF I had a dime for every time I've thought about us two
I could buy myself a lifetime...just to spend on you

and maybe you could go for someone... just like me
maybe your in need of someone... just like me

Now I've told you, how I hold you, in my highest degree
I hope you don't disapprove of me,IF I'm not what I seem
As a matter of fact I've been holding back the way I truly feel
Cause I've been afraid of what you would say, if my heart had been revealed

and maybe you could go for someone... just like me
maybe your in need of someone... just like me

Well, I'm no Shining Knight in armor
And no Prince Charming I'll agree
BUT what I lack in might and valor...
I'll make up in honesty

Sooo here I go I will try to show, how much for you I care
BUT the value that I place in you is far beyond compare
YOU mean more to me than the eye can see and your heart should understand
That I'm speaking of the kind of love... to a woman from a man...

Maybe you can go for someone... just like me...
Maybe your in need of someone ... Just Like Me....
Maybe you can love somebody... just like me...

One funny thing about this blog is that I don't really think that I am actually 'personally happy' right now. But this blog is more about the achievement of 'personal happiness'. When you look at who you are do you see someone who is personally happy? The answer for me is usually yes.

The issues we have with what happens from outside sources (to our own lives) is what we typically gauge as the 'thing' that causes us to either be happy or saddened. Example for the last statement... So a jackass cuts you off in traffic in your morning drive. Now you are ticked off, you now are ticked off at the next thing that happens. That 'thing' may very well be an annoying commercial you hear or the unattractive passenger in the car next to you picking his or her nose.
The question is now 'why do we allow these things to make us a mess?'.

Recently I was in a conversation with a friend of mine. We were speaking of growing up fat (no need to 'candy' coat it, that is what we were). He had told a counselor about a time that the cruelty of the kids picking on him and they made him feel fat. At this point the counselor let this person know that a person can not make you feel anything. Only you can feel fat if you choose to. Only you have the power to feel any way you want to.

With you having the power to 'feel' happy, or sad. Why do we not more often choose happiness? This is a question I should explore right now myself. Due to frustrations and frustrating people in my life I am allowing them to influence how I feel.

When it comes down to it I don't know if I have done any good by this input. I'm the last person who is interested in typing to just type. Guess I am just wanting to 'work things out' and the thought of 'blogging' may just help me...

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